Narcissistic victim-blaming is a pervasive attitude and prejudiced point of view, or a set of practices that allow the narcissist to continue their abusive behaviours. It is an act of psychological projection. The narcissist projects their actions onto the abused and blames them for these actions. Here are the 10 obvious signs of how narcissist plays the victim-blaming game.
1. Citing Religious Reasons
A narcissistic person will use religion as an excuse for their behaviour. For example, narcissist parents will quote God to justify their actions by self-claiming that God has granted them the right to rule as guardians. By disobeying them, a child is disobeying God. Every petty act becomes a moral issue. Although they use God and religion as their scapegoat, they most likely do not follow their religious teachings. They’ll engage in behaviours that go against religion while shamelessly using it as an excuse.
2. Ignoring the Facts
The narcissist will not admit the fault or wrong-doing and attribute their failures to external factors. The loss is not theirs but the result of others failing them. That leads them to blame everyone but themselves. Even though they were careless. You may be a victim of assault, however, if you choose confrontation, you might be at the receiving end of an angry rant.
3. Playing Victim Card
It’s common for narcissists to play the victim card when things don’t go their way. They will make you guilty or feel sorry for upsetting them. This is a manipulative tactic used to gain your sympathy and to make you feel obliged. They will use this to gain attention and you may end up exhausting yourself trying to please them.
4. Follow My Way
A narcissist monopolizes conversations. Often over talks and yells at others to get their point across. They believe they have a sense of entitlement to everything. A narcissist will acknowledge no one else’s emotions and consider their own needs to be more important than anyone else’s. People with narcissistic personality disorder have an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration. They believe they deserve special treatment and don’t take criticism well.
5. Gaslighting Others
Gaslighting is a tool of manipulation. Narcissists are experts at knowing what makes us tick; they’ll use our weaknesses against us to make us feel small, manipulated, and controlled. If you try to defend yourself, they will twist your words back on you, making YOU the lousy person. Gaslighting involves causing victims to question their sanity by making them doubt their perceptions of reality. The term derives from the 1944 movie Gaslight, in which Ingrid Bergman plays a young wife whose husband tries to convince her she is going insane.
6. Making Unfair and Untrue Accusations
Making unfair and untrue accusations is a power play for the narcissist. It is also a very effective tactic because it’s tough to defend yourself against these types of allegations. The narcissist’s goal in making unfair and untrue accusations is to control you, confuse you, and drain your energy. They don’t care about you or the charge at all. They derive satisfaction by watching you react to the accusation. By accusing you of being or doing something, they gain that sense of power and control over you. You will feel confused, hurt, frustrated, or angry. You might wonder what you did or didn’t do.
7. Drama Queen/King
If a narcissist feels threatened, they will often respond with dramatic emotions. This is called narcissistic rage. The narcissist may think that you have offended them by pointing out their unhealthy behaviours. They will react as if you are attacking them and defend themselves against you. They claim to feel hurt, ignoring the fact that they are the ones hurting others. A narcissist might also behave in this manner when trying to manipulate you into doing something for them. They might ask for your help and get angry once you offer it. This behaviour intimidates and controls you.
8. Bringing Up Your Faults
Narcissists bring up your faults to make them look good by comparison. We should always please them and there will be constant reminders of that. We end up feeling inadequate, defective, stupid, and ugly. Narcissists will use the past against their victims. The victim will then feel bad about themselves. It’s important to understand that narcissists have horrendous communication skills when dealing with conflict. They shut down and run away or try to hurt you instead of communicating their feelings.
9. Making Arguments About the Argument
The argumentative narcissist will argue and then change the subject and begin arguing about the statement. This technique can be confusing. You may feel you are arguing with someone trying to avoid a fault or trying to win by any means necessary. Narcissists cannot make valid arguments. They are called out to it by others, and then they divert attention away from their invalid arguments. Narcissists can avoid accountability by reframing a discussion as a potential attack on your ego.
10. Manipulating Those Around You
Since narcissists are sensitive to criticism, they are very controlling. They cannot accept the views of others. So they try to manipulate others to look at things from their point of view. They want to be the centre of attention. So they play games by making you jealous or feel sorry for them.
These signs should give you a better idea of how a narcissist operates. Unfortunately, there are narcissists and victim abusers in every circle, social or professional. If you’ve spotted a narcissist, the best approach is to minimize contact and detach yourself from the narcissist. There’s no sense getting into a war of words with a negative energy vampire. Don’t stoop to their level: their personality is toxic and unhealthy – don’t add fuel to the fire!